Never underestimate the power of your decisions.
Especially the little decisions you make each day.
How you go about making decisions offers so much data about you and what you believe about yourself and the world around you.
Many of us second-guess our decisions because we're unsure of ourselves in the first place. Maybe you underestimate your ability to do hard things or give added weight to the judgment others might pass when they learn about your decision.
Most often, I suspect you second-guess your ability to do hard things and feel hard things. Or maybe you question how those around you will respond to your decisions.
If you are too protected from feeling vulnerable or your worthiness is wrapped up in metrics or the opinions of others, then you will be disconnected from your purpose and your courage
More importantly, you will be disconnected from making the decisions that support the life you are building and those you are leading.
My guest today never underestimates herself...
Caring about those you lead means caring about the harm you may unknowingly be doing.
Many of us who fit western standards of beauty and live in conventionally abled bodies don't understand how our choices can cause pain. We've internalized ableism and fat-phobia to the point where we can't even grasp how our words & deeds cause harm.
In particular, in the last year, and perhaps for a while longer, many of you have come to terms with the way you operate in the world and cause pain or harm in a way you have no idea.
Talking about beliefs around body, health, size, and beauty can feel like a tenuous social quagmire. Perfectionism and shame love to hang out and have a party with both mindset and mental health when tackling nuanced and vulnerable topics like this one.
We breathe in the many conflicting messages on what it means to be enough, to be strong, to be worthy. Our bodies carry the burdens of these messages and beliefs.
Recognizing how collusion with systems and toxic...
There is nothing safe about catalyzing the much-needed changes we need in our world today.
Speaking your truth feels loaded right now. I’m not talking about speaking your truth as a way to say whatever you feel whenever and wherever.
I’m talking about the deep knowing inside of you that is you without the armor, the spin. The you that doesn’t absorb the projections onto you from the world.
The pull to dim what you know to be true as a protective response is real.
Sitting on the fence is a protective response. It also keeps you small and led by the burdens of fear.
I have been rumbling with this truth in my own writing and speaking, noticing the years of protecting internally that push me to placate and keep things vague when there is a lot to lose or a chance to get hurt.
The more I unburden the hurts I have held for so long, the more my capacity to move through the vulnerability of leading from my truth and speaking my truth increases.
Sure, leading from your...
The quickest way to crash and burn your business and life is to place your worthiness and safety with the opinions of others.
This may sound like a captain-obvious statement but the pull to care what others think is something fierce. And it is sneaky.
The competitive drive is no stranger to many of you. In fact, it is often the norm.
Honoring your boundaries around healthy competition is hard in a world that constantly tells us we’re not enough. It does not help that our own self-talk attacks our sense of enough, too.
When not checked, healthy competition and ambition lead to the protectors of scarcity and comparison overwhelming you. This happens quickly when you are not clear on your values, when you are not clear on your definition of success, and when you are not clear on your boundaries.
Without these anchors in place, the powerful drive to win and achieve can quickly warp to a singular focus on another person or another business. Success is then based on comparison and...
We might want change now—but change is almost always met with resistance.
And resistance to change is, at its core, protective.
Yet, this well-intentioned approach can end up hurting instead of helping especially when the desire to protect is at the expense of the well-being of others.
When we look at the industries that focus around our image, it gets even messier.
I am late to the fashion, make-up, skincare party—and I have loved playing around with style and products that make me feel good. It has been fun to support some incredible companies caring more about just the bottom line and support causes that serve the greater good.
Still, the messaging around beauty and health can be disorienting… and sometimes downright demoralizing to the point where we confuse the truth on our worth and value.
This is where leaders transform their care into activism in order to cultivate spaces that are brave and safe for all.
This is work.
Community over competition is indeed a well-worn hashtag. The cynical can dismiss it. Those beat up by year after year of injustice understandably call BS.
But in practice, leading with the lens of community over competition is subversive and culture-shifting.
Community over competition requires deep life-long work to unburden the load we carry of scarcity and comparison.
In a highly connected, dopamine infused world, where billions of dollars are spent to cultivate 'not enoughness', we buy, vote, and believe, leading with community over competition is an antidote to the noise.
Leading with community over competition is an antidote to the noise and keeps us anchored in our values and integrity.
But leading this way comes at a cost.
It comes at the cost of the quick and easy.
It is not efficient (at least it feels that way in the short term).
It is super uncomfortable and forces you to face the parts of you that are not Instagram friendly.
And... I know you are here for this. (I...
Our workplaces need more laughter.
Our homes need more laughter.
The world needs more laughter.
And I don’t know about you, but I too need more laughter.
There have been times of late when the smallest thing sets my family into a laugh-fest - usually triggered by something we were watching on TV or something one of us said that just tickled the proverbial funny bone.
This communal laughter always feels like a welcomed exhale when I didn't even know I was holding my breath. Every time, I feel lighter and clearer after I wipe the tears of joy away from my face.
Growing up, I got the message that humor and comedy were for those who were not serious. I was always equal parts annoyed and envious of the class-clowns and those that seemed at ease using humor as they lead. I wanted to focus on work but I also appreciated their ability to lighten the mood and not take themselves too seriously while building a sense of connection.
Comedy and humor can...
Avoiding controversy for the sake of comfort is not an option for you as you lead, do life, and rumble with all the big and little decisions before you.
Sure, you do not want to contribute to the noise.
You are not looking for a fight (or, like me, you try not to get scrappy just to offload some stress), or to be right just for the sake of being right.
No. You value the big picture. You value the mission. You value the greater impact.
These days, people try to shock us just so they can manipulate our feelings. They use hyperbole to exercise power over us. The polarization we are living with internally and in our culture leads to many having serious controversy fatigue.
Unburdened leaders get the nuance of standing up. They also understand the sacrifices. They would rather step up for what is true than play it safe.
We all need to do a better job of respecting this kind of leadership by supporting those who are willing to and able to take the heat...
Grief is inevitable when you’re all-in on life and the relationships in it.
This is the cost of a life full of love and meaning.
And yet, we do not grieve well in our country. We actually do not have a good relationship with emotions, in general. A lot of this has to do with decades of messages around what is the ‘correct’ way to show up in our work and life.
Grief is a powerful and important teacher but the push back to not feel it or express it is real.
You get the mixed messages: It’s ok to feel your emotions. And please keep that away from your work.
But feeling through grief is a necessity to leading well. And it’s especially true right now as the various forms of loss and subsequent grief continue to show up in our lives right now.
Permission to feel the tsunami of grief that comes when it wants and levels how it pleases is an important leadership practice.
You know leading w/ vulnerability is the path. And you also feel the push back from...
One of the toughest and most important choices for a leader is to look within and do the deep work to heal the echoes of trauma. By looking at and healing the burdens of your past pain, you can lighten the load of your burdens so you can lead yourself —and others—better.
Right now, we are watching in real-time the dangers of leaders who are not in touch with their humanity and lead with pain, bullying, and fear. We are breathing in so much toxicity right now and it is taking a toll on all of us.
And even still, I’m struck by how those leaders who have done the work to heal the echoes of their trauma are navigating 2020. I am noticing fatigue, for sure. But I am seeing something else...
Resilience and tenderness.
What I am seeing in these leaders is inspiring me: they are navigating these echoes imperfectly but with ownership and confidence grounded in their inherent worthiness and value—less encumbered by seeking value and safety externally.