Toxic cultures–at home, school, work, in faith communities–make it incredibly hard to do the right thing.
Choosing to risk your reputation or livelihood when you want to move from being a bystander to standing up for what is right is a bind too many face when they want to say ‘no more’ to abuses of power.
Yes, we need to move beyond being passive bystanders and be better allies. Yet I want to acknowledge that the stakes are high in moving from bystander into the spotlight.
It is challenging to speak up when the safety and livelihood of a bystander are pitted against standing up to abuses of power.
The fear of retaliation or becoming a target of abuse is real. So is lack of trust that speaking up will impact change.
Being a bystander and watching harm being done to someone takes its own toll on your health and your confidence when the culture you are in supports secrecy and silence.
My guest today is deeply committed to changing the impact of the...
We watch leaders crash & burn all the time.
We watch with morbid fascination as leaders fall out of grace because their unaddressed pain led them on an unsustainable path of poor choices–even dangerous and deadly choices–to avoid feeling the vulnerability of rejection.
Those times when you experienced the pain of rejection leave their mark because rejection hurts. Like, physically hurts. Neuroscience teaches that this kind of emotional pain is processed similarly to physical pain.
The burdens of social rejection of any kind can become all-consuming in an effort to do whatever it takes to never go through that kind of pain again.
But stepping into leadership means stepping into rejection and being misunderstood. It is just a part of the physics of leading and putting yourself out there in any capacity.
If you are stepping into the title, the power, and the access of leadership as a way to bypass the pain of rejection, it will not go well.
My guest today is an...
It is time to stop living a divided life.
When your life is divided between home and work, personal and professional, you're vulnerable to all sorts of relationship troubles and everyday friction.
When you separate yourself from your values and see your business and life divided instead of integrated and unified by your purpose and values, you will break from the pressure of it all.
You feel out of alignment with what matters most–your health, your values, your most important relationships–and feel at the mercy of responding to every need like it is an emergency, further sacrificing your clarity and confidence.
My guest today has done the work to get clear on how she leads herself and others and not letting fear divide her from what she values and who she loves most.
Stasia Svasuk is an entrepreneur, mama, speaker, adventurer, thrifter, and science-of-style expert who thinks bodies are just about the coolest things on earth.
She is the founder and creator of THE...
Boundary barriers become leadership barriers.
What gets in the way of setting and maintaining boundaries gets in the way of leading well.
Our polarized culture, along with so many demands on our time and energy, make it so important to get clear on what gets in the way of setting and maintaining boundaries…and what they are protecting.
Do you know what your boundaries are protecting?
You have to know why you are laboring through the work of setting and maintaining boundaries. Without this clarity and focus you will flounder and feel fed up–often giving up on your boundaries and yourself.
We get so focused on when and how people violate our boundaries that we lose focus on the reason we are fighting for them. This leads to boundaries becoming barriers - no longer protecting what is important: our time, our relationships, our wellbeing.
What helps you stay the course when you set boundaries? Your clarity of values and clarity on what your boundaries protect.
Our capacities are at an all-time low.
Between the pandemic and politics and injustice–not to mention our already overflowing lives and schedules–we have access to far fewer resources for staying calm, beating back anxiety, or holding space for others.
It’s in times like these that leaders like you need to know what trips you up--so you can take better care of yourself and continue to lead those who depend on you.
Knowing what trips you up requires a lot of curiosity and deep respect for feeling out of sorts, but so often, the message to keep cool and never let others see you struggle shuts down any curiosity about what is at the root of inner struggle.
Staying calm and showing up with care is exhausting--especially when the world is on fire. You don’t want to stop… but it’s tough!
Now, I know everyone is used to hearing about “triggers,” but I like to use a different term-- trailhead.
Trailheads, according to the founder...
Too often, we exile the parts of us that hold complex emotions and difficult parts of our story at the expense of our wholeness. And not respecting our own wholeness in favor of living a compartmentalized life is perpetuated in the spaces we live and lead.
So, we hide away the things that we’ve been taught to believe are not acceptable—and what we hide is often rooted in the soul of what makes us unique and feel most alive.
Making space to lead complexity means signing up to navigate emotions, beliefs, and perspectives that do not fit into a tidy box.
This is the call right now. To dig into nuance and hang out in this place of complexity requires awareness that cannot be put back into the proverbial toothpaste tube.
This is super vulnerable.
But remember, respecting the whole person still requires boundaries, honoring core values, and developing systems that move you and your business forward. The fear of chaos is more about the fear of change–and what that change...
Never underestimate the power of your decisions.
Especially the little decisions you make each day.
How you go about making decisions offers so much data about you and what you believe about yourself and the world around you.
Many of us second-guess our decisions because we're unsure of ourselves in the first place. Maybe you underestimate your ability to do hard things or give added weight to the judgment others might pass when they learn about your decision.
Most often, I suspect you second-guess your ability to do hard things and feel hard things. Or maybe you question how those around you will respond to your decisions.
If you are too protected from feeling vulnerable or your worthiness is wrapped up in metrics or the opinions of others, then you will be disconnected from your purpose and your courage
More importantly, you will be disconnected from making the decisions that support the life you are building and those you are leading.
My guest today never underestimates herself...
Caring about those you lead means caring about the harm you may unknowingly be doing.
Many of us who fit western standards of beauty and live in conventionally abled bodies don't understand how our choices can cause pain. We've internalized ableism and fat-phobia to the point where we can't even grasp how our words & deeds cause harm.
In particular, in the last year, and perhaps for a while longer, many of you have come to terms with the way you operate in the world and cause pain or harm in a way you have no idea.
Talking about beliefs around body, health, size, and beauty can feel like a tenuous social quagmire. Perfectionism and shame love to hang out and have a party with both mindset and mental health when tackling nuanced and vulnerable topics like this one.
We breathe in the many conflicting messages on what it means to be enough, to be strong, to be worthy. Our bodies carry the burdens of these messages and beliefs.
Recognizing how collusion with systems and toxic...
There is nothing safe about catalyzing the much-needed changes we need in our world today.
Speaking your truth feels loaded right now. I’m not talking about speaking your truth as a way to say whatever you feel whenever and wherever.
I’m talking about the deep knowing inside of you that is you without the armor, the spin. The you that doesn’t absorb the projections onto you from the world.
The pull to dim what you know to be true as a protective response is real.
Sitting on the fence is a protective response. It also keeps you small and led by the burdens of fear.
I have been rumbling with this truth in my own writing and speaking, noticing the years of protecting internally that push me to placate and keep things vague when there is a lot to lose or a chance to get hurt.
The more I unburden the hurts I have held for so long, the more my capacity to move through the vulnerability of leading from my truth and speaking my truth increases.
Sure, leading from your...
The quickest way to crash and burn your business and life is to place your worthiness and safety with the opinions of others.
This may sound like a captain-obvious statement but the pull to care what others think is something fierce. And it is sneaky.
The competitive drive is no stranger to many of you. In fact, it is often the norm.
Honoring your boundaries around healthy competition is hard in a world that constantly tells us we’re not enough. It does not help that our own self-talk attacks our sense of enough, too.
When not checked, healthy competition and ambition lead to the protectors of scarcity and comparison overwhelming you. This happens quickly when you are not clear on your values, when you are not clear on your definition of success, and when you are not clear on your boundaries.
Without these anchors in place, the powerful drive to win and achieve can quickly warp to a singular focus on another person or another business. Success is then based on comparison and...