Grief is inevitable when you’re all-in on life and the relationships in it.
This is the cost of a life full of love and meaning.
And yet, we do not grieve well in our country. We actually do not have a good relationship with emotions, in general. A lot of this has to do with decades of messages around what is the ‘correct’ way to show up in our work and life.
Grief is a powerful and important teacher but the push back to not feel it or express it is real.
You get the mixed messages: It’s ok to feel your emotions. And please keep that away from your work.
But feeling through grief is a necessity to leading well. And it’s especially true right now as the various forms of loss and subsequent grief continue to show up in our lives right now.
Permission to feel the tsunami of grief that comes when it wants and levels how it pleases is an important leadership practice.
You know leading w/ vulnerability is the path. And you also feel the push back from...
One of the toughest and most important choices for a leader is to look within and do the deep work to heal the echoes of trauma. By looking at and healing the burdens of your past pain, you can lighten the load of your burdens so you can lead yourself —and others—better.
Right now, we are watching in real-time the dangers of leaders who are not in touch with their humanity and lead with pain, bullying, and fear. We are breathing in so much toxicity right now and it is taking a toll on all of us.
And even still, I’m struck by how those leaders who have done the work to heal the echoes of their trauma are navigating 2020. I am noticing fatigue, for sure. But I am seeing something else...
Resilience and tenderness.
What I am seeing in these leaders is inspiring me: they are navigating these echoes imperfectly but with ownership and confidence grounded in their inherent worthiness and value—less encumbered by seeking value and safety externally.
The belief that hope will kill you is a common reason that many people reject the practice of hope in the first place. Most would rather keep the bar low and expect the worst.
Protecting yourself with this level of cynicism leads to living a negative, small, and joyless life.
And we are not here for that.
Embracing hope might look dangerous and reckless on the surface, yet, in truth, it is a deeply aligned practice grounded in values, courage, and consistency. This kind of hope supports showing up when there is not evidence things will get better or be better.
Truly, some of the most hopeful leaders I know have been through some of the darkest experiences. They have a capacity for the whole human experience. They are often seen as uncool or too positive. But really, they are the grittiest people I know.
Their hope does not bypass the messiness of heartache, disappointment, betrayal but instead, they repel cynicism in these moments and embrace it...
Instead of making an enemy of your anxiety, you can make a friend out of your anxiety.
This approach to the challenges of living with anxiety—in both your life and business as a leader—helps to turn the fear that comes with anxiety into your superpower.
But if you’re to make friends with your anxiety, you need to understand the story behind its fear and concerns. Anxiety has a mission to protect and it often does so in ways that are crushing, robbing you of your presence and the place where you show up in your truth.
Making friends with your anxiety—and finding the story beneath it—isn’t done by pushing through or thinking your way out of it. That just turns up the dial.
Instead, when you build a relationship with the parts of you that hold your anxiety—instead of trying to kill it or crush it—your life will be different and your ability to lead will feel different.
You will lead with your anxiety instead of it...
Overfunctioning is the default setting for so many leaders.
They want to fix and rescue everything—and sometimes that looks like working harder than others. But is that truly leading?
Fueled by anxiety, a high sense of responsibility, and a lack of clear boundaries, over-functioning can hijack the best of us. What’s tricky in overcoming over-functioning is that part of your superpower is seeing the solution and knowing what needs to be done to fix it.
And while over-functioning might be a part of your day-to-day life as a leader, boundaries can be the balm to soothe your default over-functioning and need to fix-all-the-things to become the leader you’re meant to be.
My guest in this episode is Krystel Stacey. She’s a powerhouse serial entrepreneur who leads and works hard to make everything around her beautiful and filled with meaning and purpose. And if you are fortunate to be in her presence, you will be so moved by her genuine belief in what is...
One of the most challenging aspects of leadership is facing bullies.
…the bullies from our past.
...the bullies in our present.
...and the bullies between our ears.
We live in a culture that normalizes—and even elevates—bullies in the name of entertainment. Our culture encourages us to enjoy the suffering of others instead of empathizing with the personal pain of the bullied. Our culture increasingly urges us to see bullying as a sign of strength.
When in truth, the culture of bullying is fueled by shame, fear, and violence. It perpetuates a right to retribution that dehumanizes. It ruins lives and lacks accountability, compassion, and empathy.
That’s why it’s more important than ever these days to take a stand. To face the bully, the oppressor, the abuser, the betrayer and say: enough. No more. Not now. Not ever again.
Gemma Went is my guest today. She’s here to share about when she decided to push back on...
Most leaders go through a period where they take stock of the trappings of the life they believe they are “supposed” to live. They examine the assumptions they’ve made, the choices they’ve fallen into, and the circumstances that have shaped their stories.
And they realize—however painfully—that it all needs to be torn down. I’ve been there, too. Brick by brick, they dismantle the details of their lives so that they can carefully and intentionally rebuild.
It takes real courage to lead yourself through a season of dismantling.
And, no, not the Mel Gibson Braveheart courage. But the quiet courage that keeps you putting one foot in front of the other. The unseen courage that chooses a life of uncertainty versus maintaining the status quo of tolerating, doubt, and shame.
It’s not easy to reassess the choices that have gotten you to where you’re at. But without paying close attention to how you’ve ended up merely...
We push ourselves until we crash.
We people please until we lose ourselves.
We hide our truth until we’re crushed from loneliness and disconnection.
Instead of dealing with the stress of our present, the anxiety of our future, or the trauma of our past, we numb out.
We drink the wine or take the pills or binge on the ice cream—and, oftentimes, we cross the threshold from numbing out to addiction.
Not surprisingly, alcohol is one of the first things many reach for to numb the ache. It’s socially acceptable and it’s easily accessible. It takes the edge off. It makes us feel a little less. It helps us find more calm and clarity.
Similarly, some people shop to soothe their pain. Some eat. Some exercise until they drop to the ground. The things that start off as comfort often lead to addiction.
And it works—until it doesn’t.
Leaders are especially good at hiding from love and the vulnerability it brings in ways that look deceptively bold. This can be a dangerous contagion, I’ve found, encouraging others to also hide behind the protectors of Hubris. Individualism. Perfectionism. Hustle.
I’ve seen how spending so much time hiding behind who you think you should be makes you forget who you are, what you value, and what you believe.
And, honestly, it can crush your spirit.
That’s why being able to receive love is foundational to being able to love and lead others well. This means moving through discomfort by feeling through it instead of letting the protectors – fueled by fear – hide your humanity.
My guest today is a force of love—towards herself and others—in both words and actions.
The past often acts itself out in the present and this can be super frustrating for established leaders—especially when it feels like you’ve already done the work to move past those struggles.
I know it has for me and so many of you, too.
We’ve read the books, gone to therapy, hired a coach, and went to the workshops.
We’ve committed to the deep work so that we can lead, thrive, and create well.
Sometimes, those struggles and challenges still impact the ability to navigate present challenges and growth edges… echoes of that pain linger within the body and nervous system.
But I know that you’re committed to life-long growth—and, of course, growth comes with some semblance of discomfort. When the nervous system is still carrying the burdens of previous pain, then resistance spikes to try and protect us.
It shows up as doubt, comparison, imposter experience, perfectionism, and so many more. And as much as I’d love to say it only...