What motivates your dreams is just as important as the dream itself.
Maybe even more important.
These dreams for your future inform your daily decisions and where you focus your time, energy, and resources, and they impact how you lead yourself and others.
They fuel the drive that motivates you to get up each day as you do the important–and sometimes tedious–practices that build the future you want for yourself and the world.
They support moving from a vision or idea to action, creating the reality you have always longed for.
The tricky thing about your desires for the future is they require understanding your past and any pain it holds.
No matter how smart the parts of you are that strategize and plan - if you are not clear on the echoes of your pains, losses, and unmet needs then they can become interwoven with your vision for your future.
And if you are not aware of these influences, they can drive you in ways you may not be aware of, setting you up for burnout and...
What drives you can make you or break you.
We often look to our values, commitments, and operations as a map to how we do life and work.
But there are things that get in the way of honoring our commitments to ourselves and those we serve - no matter what we have professed as our values and mission.
The messages that tell us we are not enough. We have to do more or get more. We have to over-deliver and never disappoint.
These shame-based messages get in the way of our ability to make our aspired values consistently lived in action.
Shame is insidious, sneaky and can become a powerful driving force in our lives if we do not get clear on what is driving us and why we are making the choices we do day in and day out.
Until you look at your own unique experience of shame and what drives it, shame will continue to chip away at your capacity for courage and convince you to compromise your integrity.
Getting granular about what drives you - and why - can reveal some hard truths and important...
Leading with questions instead of leading with answers is a powerful practice.
Sure, in times of crisis, steady, knowing leadership is calming and often necessary.
But the pressure to have all the answers all the time limits creativity and possibility.
Having the capacity to ask questions instead of offering all the answers is what brings out the best in you and those around you.
When you move from a position of knowing to one of curiosity you build trust, both within yourself and in those around you.
Not knowing all the answers has the ability to deepen team cohesion and cultivate creativity and innovation that would never have come from you trying to figure it all out on your own.
Yet so many leaders feel a responsibility to have everything figured out and they push themselves to exhaustion for fear of anyone finding out that they don’t have all the answers.
But courage reminds us that there is a different way to lead and it supports our ability to be vulnerable and say,...
If you want to lead yourself well, you have to know yourself well.
The tricky thing is, it can be surprisingly hard to really know yourself.
We live in a world where we are told by others–on repeat–who we should be and who we are.
We have gotten so good at being who we think we are supposed to be that we end up believing there is something intrinsically wrong with who we uniquely are.
Especially when it comes to behaviors, personality traits and abilities associated with how your nervous system operates.
We tag the word disorder onto neurological differences like autism and attention deficit and hyperactivity which pathologize aspects of being human.
This dangerously narrow view of health and functioning decreases everyone’s ability to better understand the incredible resources we have in ourselves and in those around us.
We all are trying to figure out what makes us tick and how we can improve our work and life.
And that is what today’s Unburdened Leader...
When you are not honest with yourself, you end up living a disconnected life.
You may feel connected to your life when you get the dopamine hits of likes and follows or public affirmations from colleagues. Though, let’s be honest, these external validations are never satisfying for long.
If you live a life where your worthiness and safety are woven into the opinions of others, it makes sense why so many cling to a life that is unsustainable and out of alignment.
And it often takes a big crisis to push us out of the grind of the life we are living to reflect and re-evaluate.
Whatever the catalyst is, getting honest with yourself and your circumstances is the only way through figuring out what next steps to take.
In a world of highlight reels and social media filters, being honest can feel counter-cultural. And stepping into radical honesty can stir up a lot of emotion.
Choosing to be honest with yourself and others definitely has risks. But you will also experience the rewards...
We are seeing conflict move so quickly to chaos these days.
Anger, entitlement and self-preservation can kick into overdrive when you feel devalued. We forget about relationships and fight to be right, no matter the cost.
Civility is pushed aside more and more as we navigate our differences.
The wounds of relational trauma, betrayal, neglect, poverty, racism are playing out in so many spaces of public gatherings and personal relationships.
But now is not the time to throw our hands up and walk away from this messy state of affairs.
Yes, there is a lot happening that takes us out of our space of leading from confidence, clarity and calm. It is inevitable that our emotions will overwhelm us at some point.
But it is essential that we cultivate spaces together that encourage conflict that moves us towards solutions, not sensational soundbites.
We have to look at how we communicate and the language we use. We have to intentionally set expectations and guidelines for what is okay and what...
We all grew up being told who was the creative one, who was the smart one, and who was the sporty one. There was no space for anyone to hold a multiplicity of skills and interests.
Of course, none of us hold just one identity, skill, or interest.
So an identity crisis–or multiple identity crises–is inevitable.
But an identity crisis can be a powerful turning point in your life and work.
On one hand, you can keep doing what you’ve been doing—what you’re supposed to do. Or you can take a big risk and do something different.
We all have PhDs on what we are supposed to do. We have breathed in the messages on what it means to be a success and responsible. Staying on the current path is oddly comfortable—even when it sucks.
When you decide to honor the desire to grow and make a pivot with your work or take a risk with a significant relationship in your life, you are entering into a stage of growth that can be lonely and a bit disorienting.
Leadership and discomfort are inextricably connected.
So much personal and professional development teaches us to figure out the problem and quickly move on.
But true resilience and growth require more than just the decision to “let it go.”
Leading well requires tolerating the discomfort of being seen, not just at your filtered best, but really being seen in your strengths and also when you make a bad decision and navigate the fall-out, respond defensively to criticism, and struggle with your confidence.
Bypassing or shutting down discomfort leads to numbing and disconnecting instead of feeling through the hard things.
It is essential that we get to know the burdens we carry and learn how to heal them so we can lead ourselves and others with more presence and generosity.
On today’s show, it is an honor to give you a window into the friendship I have developed with two colleagues of mine, Natalie Gutierrez and Kim Paulus. These friendships have become so valuable to...
Everyone gets angry.
And most people have learned to hide their anger–often at great costs.
There is a LOT of baggage we carry around the emotion of anger.
These burdens come from our faith traditions, culture, family of origin, work, school, and inform your relationship with anger today.
We are constantly navigating the many rules of what is ok and what is not ok when it comes to expressing, let alone feeling anger.
In the process, anger can slowly start to consume us. Anger overwhelms and it feels like it owns us—even as we’re doing our best not to show it.
But contrary to what many of us have been taught, anger is an important and valuable emotion.
You can own your anger instead of your anger owning you.
To own your anger, you’ve got to trust yourself. You’ve got to be able to hang out with the anger you feel so you can identify where it’s coming from and what it’s trying to tell you.
My guest today is no stranger to rumbling with her...
We love to be right. So much so, that we often trade being right for being in relationship.
Without relationships, we cannot experience meaningful change because the change we desire is rooted in relationships, not the certainty of being right.
But dang, the expediency and certainty of being right sure are seductive.
Pursuing being right cultivates the tunnel vision of perfectionism which runs rampant over our curiosity and creativity–the very ingredients needed for us to have a sustained impact.
When we focus more on creating change instead of criticizing ourselves or others, we are freed up to get creative about our sustainability practices and modeling this for others too.
But too often, perfectionism has a party. We want to get it right from the start and fear making mistakes.
Or we worry about sustaining the work we are already doing, so we don't bother starting, counting ourselves out, believing our small actions do not make a difference.
But they do.